charred-uncleowen-auntberu-figuresThere’s been a lot of backstory added to the Star Wars Universe, but I feel like the tales of one of the greatest heroes of a galaxy far, far away has never really been touched upon. I am, of course, speaking of Owen Lars.

Yes, Owen Lars. The guy who’s ultimate fate was extra-crispy. Obi-Wan may have trained Luke for a few days, but he was basically a “strange old hermit” who lived a little ways down the non-existent road. Seriously, the only thing that Ben needed to complete the circle of creepiness was a windowless van.

Owen, on the other hand, was a stand-up guy who took in an orphan of an asthmatic murderer. Owen, and his wife Beru, fed, clothed, protected and overall cared for Luke for years until their untimely demise at the hands of the most accurate stormtroopers to ever wield blasters.

Now as luck would have it, I’ve stumbled upon a never-before-seen excerpt from the A New Hope script. Don’t ask me how I got it – it doesn’t matter. What matters is that it’s a piece of history, straight from George Lucas himself.

In this cut scene, Obi-Wan Kenobi hands over an infant Luke Skywalker to the Lars clan for safekeeping. It was intended to be one of the first scenes in the film and even includes references to Revenge of the Sith – a film that was released 28 years later! George is a master of his craft.

Included are rare storyboard panels that further flesh out some other scenes that never made it into the film.

FADE IN

EXT. LARS HOMESTEAD – TATOOINE – DUSK

(Background desert wind noises)

OWEN LARS walks the perimeter of his small moisture farm in the Judland Wastes. The signatures twin suns of Tatooine have almost completely receded on the horizon, marking the end of a long but fruitful day. In the distance, Owen spots a cloaked figure approaching. In a friendly yet apprehensive tone, he greets the traveler.

storyboard_1

OWEN

Hello stranger, how can I help you?

CLOAKED STRANGER

Hello there. You’re sporting quite the fine ensemble.

OWEN

Ha! Yeah, right? The Jedi look never goes out of style.

CLOAKED STRANGER

Quite.

Owen notices the stranger is a cradling a small child in his arms.

OWEN

Hey, is that a baby?

CLOAKED STRANGER

Yes, yes it is. Actually I wanted to talk to you about that. It’s Owen, correct?

OWEN

(tense, quick) How do you know my name?

The stranger pulls back his hood, revealing a bearded face that looks worse for wear. His eyes are bloodshot, and he reeks of sulfur and burnt hair. The stench is pretty fucking terrible.

CLOAKED FIGURE

Oh. I’m BEN KENOBI. I’m friends with ANAKIN SKYWALKER, your step-brother?

Owen sighs with relief.

OWEN

Oh. Whew. You had me worried there. What with all of the mafia and smugglers around here I was worried you were going to break my knees for protection money. How is Anakin? I haven’t seen him since, well, he took care of a little, uh, pest infestation.

KENOBI

You mean like womp rats?

Owen softly chuckles to himself while gazing off in the distance towards The Needles, a Tusken Raider encampment.

OWEN

Sure. Womp Rats.

Ben senses Owen is lying, but frankly could give a crap after the day he’s had

KENOBI

Well. Anyhow, this is actually his son, LUKE SKYWALKER. Your nephew.

Luke is oblivious to his surrounding and continues sucking on his toes, as he has been doing for the past thirteen hours.

OWEN

Step-nephew. But the question is, why do you have hime and where is Anakin?

KENOBI

I’m going to be honest with you Owen. Can I call you Owen?

OWEN

I’d prefer you didn’t.

KENOBI

Owen, your brother…

OWEN

Step-brother.

KENOBI

Anakin has had…an accident. A fire-related accident.

OWEN

(gasps) By the great Bantha of the North, Anakin is dead?!

Ben gives a half smile, internally struggling with the best way to explain the fact that he sliced off Anakin’s appendages and left him to die on a lava planet. A fucking LAVA PLANET.

KENOBI

From a certain point of view.

OWEN

Wha? What do you mean “from a certain point of view?” Is Anakin dead or not?

KENOBI

Well, he’s more machine now than man, and also a bit evil.

OWEN

OK, let’s take a step back. What you’re saying is that from a medical point of view, Anakin is still alive?

KENOBI

Well yes, but he’s not the same man, he’s had all of his limbs replaced.

OWEN

What the…

KENOBI

And he was kind of on fire the last time I saw him.

Owen start becoming agitated trying to get a straight answer from this crazy space hobo.

OWEN

And you didn’t help him?!

KENOBI

It was a complicated situation.

OWEN

When is it a complicated situation to stop someone from being on fire? You realize you’re wearing something equivalent to a giant blanket?

KENOBI

Owen, have you ever been introduced to the wonders of The Force? Once you let it flow through you…

OWEN

Oh no fucking thank you, we have enough of your kind coming to our farm trying to spread the word of your hokey religion.

KENOBI

Dude, I’m going to stop you right there. Just right there. That’s my faith you’re talking about. Light Side for life.

OWEN

Does the other side prevent you from dicking over your friend and letting him burn to death?

KENOBI

To be fair, he didn’t actually die.

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OWEN

Oh. Is “certain point of view” time over? Have we finally reached “actual point of view” time?

Ben extends his right hand and casually waves the two forefingers in a sweeping motion towards Owen.

KENOBI

You will calm down.

OWEN

Don’t you wave your hand at me and tell me what I’m going to be doing.

Ben frowns like a 10 year old boy. Luke starts to cry, but then immediately returns to sucking on his own feet.

KENOBI

It was worth a shot.

OWEN

Look, I don’t know what you want, but I’m going to have to ask you to give me that baby and leave. Beru and I need to make arrangements to get him back to his family. His real family.

KENOBI

Owen, I am with you one hundred percent on that first part.

OWEN

It’s Mister Lars, and what do you mean, that first part?

KENOBI

Oh, well, I mean that I came here specifically to give you this baby to raise.

Owen starts to back away while putting his hands up.

OWEN

Alright, you crazy space hobo, you need to turn around and…

KENOBI

Just listen. You can’t take him back to Anakin. He’s not even Anakin anymore.

OWEN

Why?

Ben sighs and rests Luke down on a nearby moisture vaporator.

KENOBI

He’s been seduced by the Dark Side of The Force. And he changed his name to “Vader” (air quotes).

OWEN

One, you’re not a different person just because you change your name. BERU changed her last name to “Lars” and she’s yet to grow patchy face scruff or a gut, and two, does this “Dark” side allow you to NOT let someone burn?

BERU LARS

(in background) Owen! Who are you talking to?

OWEN

Get back in the house Beru! I’m dealing with something right now!

KENOBI

Look Owen, the Dark Side is really bad. It’s fueled by passion and emotion.

OWEN

How about emotions like compassion?

KENOBI

I suppose, from a certain point of view…

OWEN

(yelling) Oh, enough of that shit!

KENOBI

OK, short answer: Anakin is evil now and I’ve personally seen videos of him cutting down children.

OWEN

That…

(Pause) Owen takes a deep breath.

I can totally believe.

KENOBI

Really? Why’s that?

OWEN

Never mind. So, my step-brother, who I met over a long weekend, once, has a baby and is evil now. Why can’t…what was his name again?

Owen stares at Luke, laying on the rock doing things babies pretty much do.

KENOBI

Luke.

OWEN

Right, why can’t we give Luke to his mother?

KENOBI

Oh, she died.

OWEN

What?! How?

KENOBI

Child birth? (both a question and statement)

OWEN

Why do you not sound sure about that?

KENOBI

Well, a medical droid kind of said that she lost the will to live. We think it was because of a broken heart.

(Pause) (Silence)

OWEN

A broken…

KENOBI

A broken heart yes.

Owen prepares to break into laugher, but catches himself on realizing how absolutely stupid this situation is. It’s like someone wrote a bad screenplay.

OWEN

Was…was she an alien?

KENOBI

A what?

OWEN LARS

Was she an alien? One that could die from a “broken heart”?

KENOBI

No no, she was human, a queen even.

OWEN

Wait, you mean (snapping fingers) Patty? That girl who was traveling with Anakin and like four suitcases of clothes?

KENOBI

Where did you get “Patty” from?

OWEN

I met her once, wasn’t that her name?

KENOBI

Padme. Her name was Padme.

OK, “Pad-may” (intentionally mispronunciation). He got together with her, they had a kid and then she died.

KENOBI

Basically.

OWEN

Are you sure?

KENOBI

About what?

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OWEN

That she really died. I mean young healthy people don’t really die from a “broken heart”, and modern technology is very good at keeping people alive whether they want it to or not. Are you sure that she died, or is this “another point of view” kind of deal.

KENOBI

No, not this time, I watched her die on the table.

OWEN

How much of my extended family have you watched die?

KENOBI

Just the one, I think.

OWEN

That was not a question that needed answering.

Luke begins to cry again, but this time won’t stop. Ben waves his right hand again, and Luke suddenly silences. Like, completely. A few seconds pass, and Ben walks over to make sure Luke is still breathing. Thankfully, he is.

KENOBI

I’m just trying to be honest. Listen, can we possibly wrap this up? It’s getting late, Luke is getting fussy, and I need to go meditate in the desert.

OWEN

Wait, you mean here? This desert right here?

KENOBI

Yes, I’m hiding from the Empire. I need to meditate, and keep a close yet distant watch on little Luke here. I think I’ll try just over there. (pointing) Across that area there, what’s it called?

OWEN

The Dune Sea?

KENOBI

Hmm, rather generic name for a planet that’s all desert, but nevertheless, I’ll set up on the other side of that Dune Sea. Neighbor.

Owen shakes his head, but then catches himself, glancing off to a corner deep in thought.

OWEN

Wait, what Empire?

KENOBI

Huh?

OWEN

You said you’re hiding from an Empire. What Empire is that?

KENOBI

Oh right! So, you know the Republic?

OWEN

I know of it. I may live on a planet run by the slug mafia, but I know what the Republic is.

KENOBI

Well the Republic is gone.

OWEN

Gone? (looks confused)

KENOBI

Gone. It’s the Galactic Empire now. Run by the Mad Emperor Palpatine.

OWEN

Mad? How mad?

KENOBI

How mad? How about, he’s trying and will probably succeed at taking over most of the galaxy.

OWEN

Well that’s not good.

KENOBI

And he wants this baby dead!

Owen places his hands on top of his head and starts pacing around.

OWEN

What in the Gundark’s left testicle?

KENOBI

Probably.

OWEN

Probably (Owen repeats Ben while trying to mimic his accent)

Ben reaches into the pocket of one of his robes and pulls out a small flask. He proceeds to take several sips of an unknown, but likely alcoholic, liquid.

KENOBI

(clearing throat) Well, technically everybody thinks that little Luke is dead. But if they find out he’s alive, they’ll either try to kill him, or make him into an evil weapon.

OWEN

(points to Luke) So, that baby is the biggest moving target in the known universe?

KENOBI

Yes. Him and his sister.

OWEN

He has a sister? Where is she? Did you watch her die too?

KENOBI

 (horribly offended) No! That’s terrible!

OWEN

So where is she?

KENOBI

Alderaan. I gave her to some friends who wanted a kid.

OWEN

So not any of her other family then?

KENOBI strokes his beard while biting his lower lip.

KENOBI

I didn’t really look for the rest of her family.

OWEN

(sighs) OK, so these friends didn’t want baby Luke?

KENOBI

I didn’t actually ask.

OWEN

You are a terrible person.

KENOBI

No, no. You see the twins must be separated for their safety, so that if one is discovered the other will be safe.

OWEN

That’s the first thing you’ve said that makes a sense. I mean, it would be pretty noticeable if twins just showed up when the Imperial baby killers are specifically looking for twins.

(Pause) (Silence)

In the far distance, the shape of a Landspeeder darts across the nearly dark salt flats. The sound of it eventually reaches our duo and breaks an incredibly awkward silence.

OWEN

They’re looking for twins, right?

KENOBI

Well…

OWEN

Well what! (yelling)

KENOBI

They actually think that the babies are dead. And they probably only think that it’s one baby. That’s dead. So they probably aren’t looking TOO hard, if at all.

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OWEN

So the bad guys don’t know that there are twins, that are alive, that they should be looking for?

KENOBI

Correct.

OWEN

And Luke’s sister…

KENOBI

Leia.

OWEN

Luke’s sister Leia is with some other random family on another world.

KENOBI

Yes, but I assure you, they’re extremely wealthy and Alderaan is a virtual paradise.

(Pause)

OWEN

Then take this baby to his rich sister!

KENOBI

Well Owen, that sounds like a good idea now, but you see I can’t!

OWEN

Why?!

KENOBI

I’m probably at the top of the Empire’s most wanted list, I don’t think I can go into space again for a long time. A long time.

Owen begins to kick sand at Ben out of anger.

KENOBI

Remain calm. You might not know this my similarly dressed but roundish friend, but I am in fact a Jedi.

OWEN

I figured that out a little while ago.

KENOBI

Fair enough. Anyhow, Anakin is now second in command of the would-be baby-killing Galactic Empire. And he’s rather mad about the whole limb severing and me leaving him to burn.

OWEN

Limb severing? Why is he mad at you for that?

KENOBI

Did I forget that part?

OWEN

Yeah!

KENOBI

I technically cut his arms and legs off, and then let him burn by a river of fire.

OWEN

I have no words.

KENOBI

Troubling times, I must admit.

OWEN

It isn’t exactly the times that worry me in this story.

Ben pulls his hood back over his head, takes another sip from his flask, and prepares to make the long journey through sand and Bantha shit.

KENOBI

Well, this has been a rather educational discussion, but you’re going to need to take that baby now

OWEN

If you think that I’m just going to…

Ben stares intensely at Owen, a crazy look forming in his eyes.

KENOBI

Otherwise, I’m going to have to raise him myself. It might be difficult with all of the meditating, fasting, talking with dead people, and walking around nude I plan to do. But how hard can one baby be?

(Silence)

OWEN

Give me the kid.

Ben whispers something inaudible in Luke’s ear, then hands him over to Owen. As Ben strolls away whistling to himself, Owen picks up the young Luke and steps inside the stucco adobe.

OWEN LARS

Beru! Warm up the blue milk!

FIN